Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize