Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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