i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
