you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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