I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
this just has baby written all over it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
