i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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