OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize