I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
