She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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