areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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