no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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