I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
