Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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