Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
