Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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