Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
