So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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