your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
