Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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