Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
