We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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