I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
