he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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