and i looked up. we had an audience...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they're like a gay fantastic four
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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