i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Welp...herpes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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