State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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