There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
