watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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