The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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