i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
