More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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