Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
