Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize