My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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