Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
