S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
