I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
