im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
