Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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