ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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