I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
