If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
