i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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