I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
