wakey wakey hands off snakey
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
