boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
