He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
