She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
