Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize