I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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