he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
