if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
