Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
