my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
