I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
