All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
