My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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