All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize