My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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