So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
