can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
