Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i black out too much to be "responsible"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
