Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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