Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
