She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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