: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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