You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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