Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
