you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize