Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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