just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize