ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
