I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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