Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
