mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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