...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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