the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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