He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
