I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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