In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
