Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
