I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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