Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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