Please, let me fuck your mom
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
