i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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