I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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