at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
