12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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