Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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