So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
