btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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