Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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