I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize