dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
