I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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