you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
