I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Success! We fucked roommates!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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