i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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