well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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