come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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