my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd cum for enchiladas.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize