he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
