can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
